


After the Fact

by gyroscopefour



Series: The Adventures of Altan Lavellan [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Asexual Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Asexual Character, Asexual Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Asexuality, Flirting, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Queerplatonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 11:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20814032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyroscopefour/pseuds/gyroscopefour
Summary: Dorian and Lavellan walk through the apple groves at Skyhold after meeting Dorian's father at the Gull and Lantern. They share stories about their sexualities and bond with each other.





	After the Fact

**Author's Note:**

> Just a reminder that this is not a representation of everyone on the asexual spectrum. It's based on my experience with my own sexuality and is in no way indicative of everyone who identifies as aromantic asexual. Hope you enjoy! :)

Altan Lavellan took Dorian to the groves. They walked side by side, their arms brushing occasionally. Dorian’s boots crunched the grass, but Altan’s bare feet were silent.

“The lack of shoes,” Dorian began. “Is that an elven thing?”

“Yes, but it’s not universal,” Altan said. “Some city elves aren’t interested in walking on cobblestone without shoes. Just like I’m not about to charge into battle, toes exposed.”

“I’ve seen it done,” Dorian said. 

“And I’ve seen the areas we travel,” Altan replied. “I’m not looking to lose one of my feet to a hungry bear.”

“Good point,” Dorian agreed. “They are nice feet, as far as feet go.”

Altan nudged him playfully when he saw the blush spreading across Dorian’s cheeks. “Thank you. I think so, too.”

Dorian smirked. “You know, a little humility goes a long way.”

Altan chuckled. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

“I resent that,” Dorian scoffed. They lapsed into silence as they walked under the tall apple trees, stretching over the path.

“They’re beautiful,” Altan said, admiring the way the branches intertwined. “They remind me of home.”

“Do you miss it?” Dorian asked.

“Every day,” Altan answered. His voice took on a wistful quality. “I miss my family and friends most of all. They were my entire network of support before I left. I’d never been away from them before I left for the conclave.”

Dorian hummed in acknowledgement. They let the pain sit in the air between them for a while, but Altan let it go with a sigh and then a jump upwards to grab one of the low hanging branches.

“What are you doing?” Dorian asked as Altan hauled himself into the tree.

“Getting a snack,” Altan said simply, picking one of the apples. “Want one?”

“I suppose,” Dorian said. Altan picked another apple and hopped down, handing one to Dorian which he took.

“You’ve got a twig in your hair,” Dorian laughed, reaching up to pull it. It caught in his braid and unravelled it as Dorian removed it.

“Oh, damn,” Altan said. He felt the strands of his braid fall out.

“Sorry,” Dorian said, tossing the stick away.

“No worries,” Altan replied easily. He held out his apple. “Hold this for me?”

Dorian took the apple and Altan used both his hands to completely undo his braid. His hair fell out around his shoulders in red waves. Dorian watched in awe. He knew the Inquisitor had long hair, but the volume shocked him. It was thick and wavy. Altan put his hair tie between his teeth as he gathered his hair up into a messy bun on the crown of his head. He took the tie from his mouth and wrapped it securely.

As soon as he let the bun go, it flopped over, hair spilling out. “Oh, Maker, really?” Altan yanked the hair tie out and put it on his wrist. He shook his hair out, letting it untangle itself.

Altan met Dorian’s eyes and noticed the dumbstruck awe on his face. “What?” he asked, smiling politely.

Dorian gathered himself, handing the apple back to Altan. “I’ve just never seen your hair out of the braid before. It’s different.”

“I usually keep it braided for the utility. Long hair doesn’t lend itself well to fighting. Or windy days. Or anything, really.”

“I like it down,” Dorian said. “You look more approachable.”

Altan arched an eyebrow, still grinning. “And with the braid I look too severe?”

Dorian huffed an awkward laugh. “Not exactly, just more… I don’t know, commanding?”

Altan nodded. “I’ll take it.” He took a bite of his apple.

Dorian mirrored him, wiping at the juices with his sleeve.

After a bit of silence, Dorian spoke again. “I wanted to thank you again for going with me to the Gull and Lantern. And for standing by me.”

“I will always stand with you,” Altan said, his voice dropping into a serious tone. “I can’t imagine dealing with family members that have conditional love for me.”

Dorian looked away. “It’s not really conditional. My father still loves me, but he just doesn’t know how to love that part of me.”

“You just described conditional love, Dorian.”

Dorian took a big bite of his apple to give him some time to think. After swallowing, he said, “I’m so mad at him.”

“I know,” Altan said. “If it helps, I’m mad, too.” He patted Dorian’s arm, and his tone shifted into a lighter, more playful octave. “Maybe my parents will adopt you. They accepted me, and I’m sure they’d love you.”

“What do you mean they accepted you?” Dorian asked. “Are you…?”

“Sort of,” Altan said. “It’s like I’m-” he grunted in frustration. “I know that if anyone would accept me, it’s you, so I don’t know why it’s still so hard to say.”

Dorian watched him with accepting eyes, silent but radiating compassion.

“I’m not interested in women nor men,” Altan said. “It’s just not something I have ever desired.” He sighed deeply. “It took me a long time to figure it out. To figure out that I wasn’t just repressed or messed up or something.” He met Dorian’s eyes, still open and empathetic. “I only recently found the words to describe my sexual preferences, and only even more recently did I stop hating myself for those preferences.” He glanced up at the full moon in the sky. “Sorry,” he said. “It’s late, and I tend to overshare when I’m sleep deprived.”  
Dorian shook his head, an empathetic smile on his face. “That wasn’t oversharing. It felt like you were describing my own experience back to me. I’m still trying to learn how to stop hating myself. If you’ve any advice in that department, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Altan relaxed and smiled at the feedback. “Whenever I catch myself thinking negative thoughts, I always remind myself that I am a person, and by that merit, I am worthy of love. The way I experience love and attraction do not define the standards by which I should receive love.”

“That’s… good advice,” Dorian said, turning the words over in his head. “How did your family find out?”

“I told them,” Altan said between bites of his apple. “When I became an adult, I started to get this increased pressure to find someone to be with. I have always wanted that life with a spouse and a family of my own one day but I think I liked the idea more than the actuality. I just felt this intense and overwhelming pressure coming at me from all parts of my life. My family has always been a guiding presence I can turn to for support and love, but I felt alone in this. I got tired of trying to deal with it by myself, and after rejecting yet another suitor, I broke down and told my parents. I knew they would love me no matter what, but it was still scary. They thought it was weird and they had a lot of questions, but they accepted it and thanked me for telling them.”

Dorian’s jaw was open by the end of Altan’s story. “Wow. I have several questions.”

“Ask away,” Altan said. “I’ll answer whatever I can.”

“First, I am curious about the suitors you rejected. I need more information on that.”

Altan laughed. “Okay, fair enough. Since it’s expected for Dalish elves to find a mate, I had several older adults in my life, including my parents and my keeper, try to set me up. I kept an open mind, hoping one of them would be the one, but it just wasn’t working. I also had many young women and a few young men among my peers make a move. Apparently, since I’m not particularly interested in romance or sex, my gestures of platonic intimacy are often read as romantic advances. I’m an accidental flirt.”

“Does that mean all the flirting we’ve been doing is accidental?” Dorian asked.

“Not all of it,” Altan said with a wink. “I am fully capable of flirting intentionally as well.”

“I see,” Dorian said. He wasn’t sure what that meant for him, but he decided to file it away for later. “Next question. You broke down before telling your parents? Was that a figure of speech or did you actually break down?”

“Oh, no. That was a full on literal meltdown,” Altan said. “I had turned down this really sweet girl. My mother heard about it from the girl’s mother, and then my parents came to me asking why. Apparently she was ‘so pretty and nice’ and ‘perfect for me.’ I didn’t know how to explain it, so I just started crying, and my parents had to calm me down and get me to stop sobbing long enough to tell them what was happening in my head.”

“How old were you?” Dorian asked.

“Twenty,” Altan admitted. “Older than I’d like to admit, but I did have a complete meltdown at twenty.”

“I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of,” Dorian said comfortingly. “So you never intend to have a relationship?”

“I don’t know,” Altan said. “I think I’d like one, but I’m not exactly compatible with anyone I’ve ever met. Most of my attraction towards a person is based on admiring their appearance and enjoying their personality. I don’t have any desire for a sweeping romance like in the books Varric writes, and I certainly don’t look at anyone and desire for us both to take our clothes off and leap into bed.”

Dorian laughed at that. “So no sex or romance.”

“Right,” Altan said. “But I am drawn to people based on their looks the same way someone might be drawn to a particularly beautiful painting. And I can be attracted to people’s personalities. And I can get crushes too, but it’s more of an ‘I want to be your friend and spend time with you’ feeling than anything else. I still crave intimacy and closeness. Just no desire to put my dick in anyone.”

Dorian smiled and nodded. “That makes sense.” Then a thought popped in his head, he opened his mouth to ask, but then decided that masturbation was too personal of a topic.

“Oh, I know that look,” Altan said. “I know exactly which question you’re stuck on. Usually, I don’t answer that one, but I’m feeling a little cheeky, so I’ll indulge you. Yes, I do jack off sometimes. I can still feel things down there, you know? And no, I don’t think about anyone while touching myself.”

Dorian closed his mouth slowly, digesting the information. “What do you think about then?” he asked quietly.

Altan chuckled. “Did you seriously just ask me what I think about while I masturbate?” Dorian blushed fiercely. “I don’t think I’m going to answer that one, but maybe spend some more time with me, get me drunk, and ask again.”

Dorian blushed harder than he ever thought possible. “I apologize,” he said. “I didn’t think before speaking.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Altan said. “I’ve gotten weirder questions than that. Now it’s your turn. You have to tell me about how your parents found out about you.”

Dorian sighed, steeling himself. “I was about sixteen, I think. I hadn’t really learned how to employ discretion in my sexual encounters. My father caught me with another Altus in my bedroom. If you think that’s bad, then let me tell you that I was bent over the bed, with a thirty-something balls deep in my ass. I was just about to finish and he was holding my head up by my hair so I was looking straight ahead. At the door. My father walked in unannounced as I finished. I made eye contact with my father while a man twice my age fucked me through an orgasm. He watched for a moment before saying ‘get dressed and come speak to me in the hall’ and then shut the door.”

“Andraste’s fucking tits, Dorian!” Altan cried. “I don’t know what’s the worst part!”

“Oh the worst part is after my father left, the guy - he was still inside me at this point - asked if he could finish.”

Altan made a sympathetic noise. “That’s horrifying. I am absolutely appalled. A man twice your age, Dorian? Really?”

“I know,” Dorian said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was hot back then, but the older I get, the creepier it seems.”

“And your father watched you finish? That is positively the worst thing I have ever heard.”

“It still keeps me up at night,” Dorian said. “I have only recently been able to use that position again. It has finally begun to lose its traumatic associations for me.”

“Maker, I thought I had it bad, but at least I never went through that,” Altan said.

“I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy,” Dorian said.

“I’ll make sure to stay on your good side,” Altan said. “Just in case.”

Dorian slung an arm around Altan’s shoulders. “I’m glad I met you,” he said.

Altan leaned into him, then turned fully into him and wrapped his arms around Dorian’s waist. Dorian returned the hug. “You are my best friend in the Inquisition,” Altan said into his chest. He pulled back ever so slightly to meet Dorian’s eyes.

“If you were interested in men, I would kiss you right now,” Dorian said. Their faces were close enough that they could feel each other’s breath.

“You could kiss me anyways,” Altan said. His eyes gleamed with nervous hope.

Dorian leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to Altan’s lips. Altan’s hands slid up Dorian’s back to grab onto his shoulders. Altan let Dorian lead the kiss and sunk into the feeling of intimacy.

When Dorian pulled back, Altan followed him for the briefest of moments before he let Dorian go. He was still for a moment, eyes closed and smiling, enjoying the tingle of Dorian’s memory on his lips.

“Was that okay?” Dorian asked. His voice held genuine concern, and it made Altan’s heart melt.

“It was great,” Altan said. “I like being close to you.”

Dorian smiled. “I like being close to you, too.” He paused for a moment, uncertain. “What does this mean?” 

“It means I liked kissing you, and I’d like to do it again if you want to,” Altan said.

Dorian gave him a small smile. “I want to do it again, too,” he whispered.


End file.
